Pumpkin Walk 2011

We went to the Pumpkin Walk this year. This is one of my absolute favorite things to do in the Fall. The highlight of the night for the kids was riding the shuttle bus from the hospital parking lot. I'm serious, we could have just hopped on the LTD and rode around for the night and stayed out of the cold. Here are some pictures. The Angry Birds display was my favorite. Some people are so dang creative!

An Epiphany!

Early this morning as I was blog-stalking I came across a link to this blog: Clover Lane. I read back a few posts because this mom is smart, funny, and real. I came to a post that about knocked me over because it was so perfectly how I feel sometimes. I just read the whole thing nodding my head, so I'm quoting some parts for you all:

"One of the things I have had to accept is my need for a quiet, focused family life. I tried for years and years to create balance with work, obligations, and family. I tried for years to keep up with the pace I see many mothers handle. I would hear about "juggling" many things at once, and would wonder, "Why am I such a terribly awful juggler?" I would attempt again and again to keep plates in the air, I would compare myself to others who seemed to do a wonderful job at it, I would be envious at their juggling skills, and time and time again, I would fail. Fail meant exhaustion, fail meant guilt at what I felt was unfocused attention to my family, fail meant a general feeling of malaise at what I felt was a half-way job at everything I was trying to accomplish, fail meant a jumbled brain that never felt peace. After several attempts I decided that all this juggling just wasn't for me. I had some hard moments that were little wake up calls..."

"...Children have little or no say in the way we set up their lives for them, and in the pace we set for them, and in the way these things affect how we react to them. What children really want, I think, is a calm, settled, predictable home life. A mother who is not frazzled, angry, stressed, or impatient. A mother who is in tune to their needs. Parents who aren't arguing because they both are occupied and don't have time to communicate properly. I began to realize that being a Daisy Scout mother was far less important than being a nice mother. I began to realize that joining a travel sports team that had us missing dinner every night and separated on the weekends, was giving far less an advantage to our son than spending time with his parents and siblings. I began to realize that bringing in a little extra income wasn't worth the amount of stress it brought to all of our lives.

I had so many other experiences like this, as I tried something new, and realized that once again, it wasn't working. I knew what I wanted more than anything was less "gasket blowing" days, and more calm, joyful days.

I decided to look at my good days with my children, the days I really felt like I was an attentive happy mother and wife, and analyze the circumstances that created that day. I also decided to look at the bad days, and find a common denominator. I came to realize that many of those days, I had planned just too much. I started noticing the good days had a slower rhythm to them, a day when I wasn't rushed to get in to the car to go here or there or anywhere. Sure, some bad days are just bad days from things we can't control...sick kids, sleepless nights, just a funky day, or a hard stage in family life. But many times the choices we have made determine the pace we set. I started making conscious decisions about the tempo I wanted to establish for my family because I had enabled myself to see what worked for us. FOR US. Not for my friend and her children, not because I had read in magazine I should be doing this and that for my children's social growth, not because I couldn't say no without feeling guilty..."

"...As I began to open my eyes to how I could be the best mother for my children, I could see the bigger picture. I had been comparing myself to other moms who seemed to handle so much smoothly, but I realized that maybe they had the skills or support to handle more, or just had made different decisions that didn't sit right with my conscience. Maybe they were in the same growth stage I had been and that big whammy of a lesson hadn't happened yet..."

"...This journey of self-knowledge is not over I am sure. I have decades of more mistakes ahead of me as my family changes and evolves over time. We have all the signs we need when something is not right...our spirits, when we are still, will tell us. Our children, in their behavior, in their little tender, purely good souls will show us if they are thriving or just surviving the lives we are forcing them to lead. Our marriage, our relationships, will become smooth sailing, or angry resentment. Knowing and accepting myself, and knowing my deep desire to fulfill the dream of how I want these years of motherhood to look for me, allows me to see the big picture, and make brave changes in the little snapshots of everyday life."

Oh, how I love this. She had 67 comments from mostly women and mothers who loved it too. I do like a quiet, structured home life. But it seems that so many moms, especially us Utah moms, thrive on how many things we have on our To Do list for the day. We brag about how busy we are and post our day to day hectic schedules for others to see. This works for some people. Some people are amazing at this (I have several sisters-in-law who manage just great). But this is not for me. Some days just are just hectic, and I can't help it. But with her advice in mind, I'm going to try to do what works for me, for my family, for my sanity. I want to keep a "quiet, focused family life" because I know from past experience that is what works for my family and me. And I don't have to be ashamed of this. I don't have to be ashamed if my calendar has some blank days, because the days that are blank on the calendar often end up being the fullest of what really matters.

Friday Confessional #4

So I had some moles removed (that is not my confession) on my face. Two to be precise. They were not cancerous or anything, just ugly. I had an appointment scheduled yesterday and I thought it was just to look at them, not to actually get them removed. So when they said they were going to do it at that appointment I thought that was great. Then after they had already started the doctor says, "You'll need to leave a Band-aid on these for 7 days." One is right below my lip and I can't keep a Band-aid there and talk or eat. Since I need to talk and eat they said I could leave the Band-aid off but keep Vaseline on it. It looks gross. The Band-aid looks worse though. And the other mole on the side of my face is mostly covered by my bangs, but since I was Deb from Napoleon Dynamite and was rocking a side ponytail tonight, it showed. I didn't think ahead to all of the Halloween stuff, parties, carnivals, etc. Why didn't I wait a week? To be honest I didn't think through the whole process... meaning that my moles wouldn't just vanish, there would be scars where they used to be. It's really bothering me. Anyway, this is getting long and drawn out. But my confession is this: I now know that I am a little more vain than I thought I was. The end.

Family Pictures 2011

Oh the dreaded family pictures! Seriously, I have been putting these off for far too long. I hate trying to coordinate outfits, get us all ready, hope that my children cooperate, etc. But... I want to remember how cute my little family is right now forever and ever so I scheduled them and hoped for the best. Kate was seriously insane to work with! Our photographer, Matt Logan, had superhuman patience! We had quite the time getting her to actually hold still and even LOOK at the camera, let alone smile. So the one I will probably end up blowing up and framing won't have Kate smiling... but I'll remember the day and probably reminisce a little about the fact that even though Kate was wild and crazy and wouldn't smile, how darling and beautiful and wonderful I still thought she was. So here you are. *Warning, picture overload*

Friday Confessional #3

I am horrible at remembering birthdays. Simply horrible. I have forgotten my best friend's birthday twice (sorry Ash), my mother-in-law's birthday, and more. In fact, this year I forgot it was my birthday until I saw all of the Facebook happy birthdays, I'm not kidding. What reminded me of this is my sweet sister-in-law Nicole just sent me a package for my birthday with a nice card and some cool Pampered Chef stuff. I got it last night and it totally made my day (late presents are almost better because they are such a surprise). She always sends my girls a card for their birthdays too. I know there are ways to remember birthdays, like write them down, etc. so please don't feel like you need to give me tips in the comments section, I'm just confessing, not asking for advice. I am great at remembering my immediate family members' birthdays. I have never forgotten one of those. But I've come to the realization that I'm just not going to be that cool aunt that sends a card on every birthday (that was my dad's sister, by the way, who still sends me a card on my birthday). And I'm okay with that. I can be good at other things. So if I forget your birthday, I apologize in advance. In the next life when I'm good at everything, and I make special breakfasts for my kids on random holidays that no one really celebrates like St. Patrick's Day, or I have a spotlessly clean house always, or I shower every day and put on makeup and do my hair, or give my infants tummy time, or take bottles and binkies away when they're one year old, (this list could really go on and on)-- THEN, then I will remember your birthday!

Happy weekend everyone!

Friday Confessional #2:

I like fast food. There. I said it. And I don't mean the salads. I like burgers and fries and lots of mayo. I even don't mind McDonald's chicken nuggets (they are all white meat you know). And yes, I've seen "Supersize Me." I still like it. I of course don't eat fast food very often because I know it's not healthy, blah blah. But the other night we went to Carl's Jr. and I got a Small Carl (still had 2 hamburger patties on it) and I ate the whole thing. With fries. And fry sauce. So. Good.*

So while all of you food snobs scoff and eat your sushi (which I hate, although have pretended to like on 4 different occasions), I'll be eating my bacon burger.**


*I think one word sentences are kind of a blogging trend of late. At least my trendy friends do it, so I had to incorporate a few in this post so as not to fall behind.

**Only about once a month I promise :)

Friday Confessionals: The Beginning

So my friend/old roomie Jen does this thing on her blog called, "Friday Confessionals" and it's hilarious. She's a much better writer than me, but lately I've been thinking in terms of confessionals and since I need a subject to write about besides kids and housework here I go.

Friday Confessional #1: I don't like other people's kids very much. There. I said it. Unless they're my nieces and nephews (family bonds must be very strong because this is a major exception to the rule. I love my nieces and nephews). I especially don't like babysitting other people's kids. I've never liked it. Even when I was 12, it was all for the money. Now don't get me wrong... it's not that I dislike your kids, I just don't particularly want to babysit them. I'm really not an ogre, I am always nice to my kids' friends in my home, and I volunteered my services in nursery for the last 10 months (and I promise I was so nice), but it was a stretch at times. I'm just not that kid-lover who is going to come up to you and ask to hold your baby. Or care about the cute story you're telling me about your kid that is not that cute and every other kid does or care what grade level they're reading on (again, exception to the rule on my nieces and nephews).

Ah, that feels good to let out. I think I will like this Friday Confessionals thing.